A recent client went into a mini-tirade in a meeting.  He was “sick of all this soft, touchy-feely stuff” and implored his colleagues to “suck it up and get back to business.”  His outburst was a legacy of the old paradigm when there was a reaction to anything that was deemed “soft.” This included feelings, relationships, empathy, and anything that was “touchy-feely.” If you think about it, this is a strange norm, because being alive and human involves relationships, feelings, and connecting with others. However, the value was facts and figures—“hard” stuff! Even though such rock-ribbed disciplines as physics now report that facts are relative, the bias continues. Organizations still talk about human resources and training as the “soft” side of management. But not only are people issues as real as financial and production figures, they require just as much skill and strength. In addition, they require authenticity and the risk of self-disclosure. This is much “harder” than hiding behind a memo, a stack of figures, or a quantitative decision matrix. 

The most effective leaders in today’s era of downsizing are those who have the skills to authentically relate to their employees and engaging in a helping relationship.  So, I think that “touchy-feely” is, in fact, the currency of the realm for effective leadership

Leaders that make a difference in today’s rapidly shifting environment will need a new set of skills that, most of the time, are not found in traditional leadership development or executive education programs.  Leaders need to take personal responsibility to develop these skills.  Here are ten practical things you can do to help yourself:

Get involved in the leadership of a volunteer organization.  Pick one that does not receive funding or support from your organization.  Helping manage a volunteer organization is a powerful feedback and developmental experience.  It removes you from your positional power base and allows you to assess your true impact.  It is very different when people don’t have to listen to you or tell you what you want to hear.  Many volunteer organizations are fractionated, political, and made up of conflicting special interest groups, yet they have to accomplish something.  What better way to learn how to manage singles interests into the collective good.

Take evening courses or sign up for special programs that teach helping skills…  The macro-leadership competency of the future will be the ability to help yourself, your organization, and your employees facilitate change and transition.  The so called soft-skills are really the hard-skills, and certainly the relevant skills!  Management will become a helping profession and managers will need the same kind of helping skills as other professionals in the field.  The bad news, at least for the validity of their curricula, is that these kinds of offerings are not often found in business schools.  The good news is that they can be found in other schools and departments such as psychology, sociology, counseling, organization development, and educational psychology.  There are also one-time seminars and special programs put on by universities and consulting organizations.

Complete a professional 360-degree feedback instrument.  By professional, I mean that you should use an instrument that has a history, validity standards, and norms.  Have the results interpreted by someone trained in helping you understand what it means and doesn’t mean.  Some organizations have their own 360-degree instruments and others use instrument licensed and certified by external vendors.  There are also some excellent external organizations you can hire to administer such instruments. 

Attend a professional leadership training program.  This type of training is different from a program on marketing, quality, or performance management.  It should focus on intra-personal insight, inter-personal skills, and the systems perspective necessary to develop a culture that leads to organizational learning.  There are some very good in-house programs and many excellent external offerings.

Find a Truth Teller.  It is particularly important for top managers to cultivate and use truth tellers.  A truth teller is someone in the organization you can rely on to, as is said in baseball “call them they way they see them.”  Truth tellers provide unfiltered feedback.  They have three characteristics: they are tuned in to what is going on at all levels of the organization; they are secure and have no personal ax to grind; and you trust them.

Attend Laboratory Training.  These sessions used to be called T-groups. Yes, this is sensitivity training, and yes, it is “feely” – but it probably won’t be “touchy.”  The bottom line is that this kind of laboratory training is a very powerful way to get the depth of feedback that will lead to self-awareness.  It is important to assure yourself that the facilitators are professional and the organization sponsoring the session has a track record with organizational managers.

Become familiar with the evolving future search technology.  There is a whole new movement out there, using labels such as “future search,” and speaking of “getting the whole system in a room.”  These large system-change processes go for the jugular in stimulating the learning organization.  If you want to jump-start your understanding of learning in the collective, you need to get on the bandwagon; the technology is growing faster than it can be codified.

Learn how to have a dialogue.  A dialogue is different from a discussion, an argument, a debate, or a business meeting.  The dialogue process is very important in developing learning organizations and is central to collective learning.  There are seminars and workshops.  You can also find some consultants who can teach you and your organization dialogue skills.

Get active in your professional association.  Don’t just attend the national meeting – become a worker, serve on committees, pass out the literature, do time in the information booth, set up the chairs!  The higher up you are, the more the value of the grunt work.  It forces you to see an organizational system from a different perspective and helps you rethink your own skills and assumptions as to what constitutes value-added.

Set up an intensive personal feedback project.  One option involves retaining an external consultant to nearly overwhelm you with feedback from a wide range of data points.  This is a very powerful process.  You can’t escape valid data, and a skilled consultant will help you understand it and do something about it.

I was recently contacted by a researcher from the BBC.  I like their thoughtful and global treatment of the news and was excited over the prospect of being interviewed about the effects of layoffs on survivors.  They however wanted to know, if I went into organizations and “fired people.” 

 I think they were influenced by the move “In the Air.”  I saw the movie and thought it was OK but presented a distorted picture of the layoff process.  Some outplacement firms do pass on the message, but never in the way depicted in the film. 

 When I told the researcher that, not only didn’t I go in and fire people; I advised clients to always have the responsible manager do that, they were no longer interested in putting me on the air.  Even responsible journalists like those at the BBC seem more caught up on the sensationalism of layoffs than understanding their toxic effects on survivors.

 If anyone does have examples of really bad layoff processes such as depicted in “In the Air,” I’d like to hear them.  I’ll try to incorporate them into my new book on “worst management practices.”

I once knew a senior manager who, at budget time, asked his staff to “shoot” enough employees to cover for a projected deficit in revenue.  Other symbolic terms for downsizing are “take-out,” or the ubiquitous “terminate” It is not without psychological significance that the language of layoffs is often the language of assassination. One client failed to meet me at the airport and the replacement apologized and told me my former client “went across the river.”  The outplacement firm that handled this organization’s downsized employees was located on the other side of the Ohio River.  

 One reason for the symbolic death language is a deep-seated fear of job loss caused by employees defining themselves not by what they do, but where they work.  If who you are is where you work, your basic identity is threatened when your job is threatened.  

 It is helpful for employees to understand that when employees loose their jobs, they don’t really loose their identity.  In fact, they often find job loss results in a wake-up call and can act as a stimulus for much more meaningful work and a more relevant life.

 Language is powerful and one useful intervention is to help employees and organization see the symbolism in their language around layoffs and downsizing.  One way to start is to simply have organizations stop using the word “terminate.”  It has the wrong symbolic context.

If the employees of shutting down organizations are like other layoff survivors  – and I think they are – they are dealing with some pretty productivity-hindering emotions such as anger, fear, and anxiety.  They may not express these feelings directly but they are there and taking a toll on their self-esteem, productivity and ability to focus on customer service.  So the first tip is to find ways to get them to externalize these debilitating emotions.  Things like facilitated venting sessions, one-on-one sessions with the boss, small group planning sessions really help and the boss does not have to be a shrink to facilitate them.  She or he may need some coaching or actual help from a qualified outsider.  These kinds of sessions really work and bosses are always surprised at the power of these kinds of sessions.

 Another process that I have seen work well in these kinds of situations is an honest, down and dirty, visioning session.  Visions don’t have to be grandiose or even overly positive.  The vision may be to simply keep the shop open for a few months.  The power of engaging employees in articulating a shared vision of the future is that it allows them to participate and gives them a sense of control. Participation and control are exceptionally important in times of crisis.

 A third “tip” is honest straight talk one-on-one with each employee.  Straight talk involves clarity on what the boss knows and what the boss does not know.  If it is clear that the person will eventually loose his or her job, they need to know this.  There is no evidence that prior notice results in sabotage and unproductive behavior. There is strong evidence that prior notice gives the employee control and most are appreciative of knowing and actually work hard. 

 In closings, future shutdowns, or when the prognosis for survival is unclear, I have found moving toward a contractual relationship with severance pay, performance standards, and the period of advance notice of possible termination clearly spelled out works exceptionally well.   

 pecial effort hast to be made to re-recruit and retain key players.  The best employees, those with options, will leave first unless they are handled very carefully.  Mechanisms such as retention bonuses, telling them that they will be the last to go if worse comes to worse, and involving them in planning and decision making work well.   

 Continual communication by the boss is essential.  This means being visible, managing by walking around, directly sharing what the boss knows and what the boss does not know, and any future plans.  Communication also means listening, being empathetic, and engaging in a helping, not a controlling relationships with employees.   “Sucking it up” and remaining emotionally detached is a very bad strategy for both employee retention and the bosses own survivor symptoms.   Engaging employees and soliciting their ideas as to how to generate new business and keep the dealership afloat creates a double win.  Employees feel involved and valued, and they often generate good ideas.

 Lastly, the boss himself needs to look in the mirror.  He needs to deal with his own anger and anxiety before he can be of help to his employees.  They will see right through him if he is faking it.  Cynicism, sarcasm – even veiled in humor – and apathy coming from the leader is toxic to organizational survival.  When I work with small businesses, I make very certain that the boss has taken sufficient time and is able to externalize her or his own survivor symptoms.  If they don’t there is not much hope for the employees.

Some managers fear “softness” and have an aversion to any employee whining and bitching.  They are wrong. Without the healthy externalization of layoff induced anger, fear, and anxiety, employees will remain crippled by layoff survivor sickness.  In fact, research shows their symptoms will get worse.

 It is essential that managers lead the way in establishing organizationally sanctioned processes that facilitate the venting of repressed feelings and emotions. Healthy venting is a necessary means to the end of moving employees back to productivity.

 Another common wrong strategy is the myth that, in tough times, the most effective managers “suck it up,” are tough minded, brutally honest, and don’t tolerate “touchy-feely” distractions. 

 “Sucking it up” is precisely the wrong strategy for dealing with downsizing, change, and transition.  It is a defense mechanism – a form of evasion that anchors behavior in the past and prevents productive engagement.

Management in the post-layoff environment is a helping, not a controlling relationship, and requires reaching out, not closing down and hiding behind a facade of toughness and control.  Honesty grounded in a helping orientation is an absolute necessity. Honesty grounded in “brutality” may help the manager vent his or her own anger, but it will ultimately harm the manager, the employee, and the organization.